I'm a girl in my 20s

I fear being unheard again.

From the age of 17 I’ve worked in 11 jobs, from restaurants and retail to entertainment (Six flags scare actor, not the other kind). My friends joke that I’m “Trish” from the Disney Show “Austin & Ally” because every week she had a new job. My first job was at a restaurant that I worked at for about a year. There I was bullied, harassed but taught to find my voice, this push taught me to never go unheard again. 

As women, we are taught from a young age to avoid doing things that make us appear too “big” or take up too much space, metaphorically. We are taught to never talk back to men because they are stronger and more powerful than us. We are taught to keep our opinions, our fears, our voices to ourselves or the world will perceive us as “bitchy” or “controversial.” But when does it stop being seen as controversial and start becoming honest.

When I worked in that restaurant at 17, one of my managers would harass me in ways that confused me because I had never experienced that type of discomfort.  He would come into the booth I was cleaning and side hug me for “cleaning his tables,” he would grab my waist if he tried to get by a narrow hallway instead of saying “excuse me.” He would ask me when I would turn 18 and if I had a boyfriend. I knew that what he was doing to me was not professional because none of the other managers had done or made me feel that way. I called H.R the next morning while waiting for my first period at high school to start. A man answered me and documented everything I said. I began to cry on the phone and he told me I was strong for coming forward, a man told me that. I was believed the first time that I ever stood up for myself, this gave me courage. I documented in an email every time, on camera, that manager had made moves at me. In return, the company gave me 2 hours of pay in my next check ($30) and decreased my hours so I wouldn’t work with him anymore. 

About a few months later, that same manager physically grabbed a server’s bottom in front of everyone, she said something out loud as soon as it happened, everyone confronted him because they saw, he stormed out of the kitchen running out of the restaurant door while shoving a customer out of his way. Everyone that I had mentioned his behavior to came up to me and said I was right and they should’ve believed me sooner. When does it stop becoming controversial to speak up and start becoming honest?

Not every manager at that job was bad though. Many taught me about professionalism, where hard work gets you and what staying quiet does to you. I took that with me to every job I worked in and if that job didn’t fit the same standards or professionalism as my first job then I quit. I had high expectations for what respect looked like at work and I knew I was a hard worker who deserved it. That’s not to say I wasn’t willing to start from the bottom because I was, I knew starting a new job was a fresh start but I also knew it was a trial for me and if it was worth my time, energy and work ethic. I was never without an interview, I was never without an offer because I knew interviews go both ways. And the most important thing that I have to emphasize, I never went unheard again. If I was disrespected, I said something, because when someone disrespects you once and isn’t corrected immediately they think it’s okay to do it again. It was never my intention to make my voice heard at the table unless I needed to. 

Yes, I’ve made some people upset by holding a mirror up to them because they couldn’t face their wrong doings. But I did not get to where I am now without speaking my mind and standing up for myself and others.